What the hell, Mattel?

 Seriously Mattel, are you ok? Is everything ok at home? Have you maybe been dabbling in the party scene and maybe popping some pills? I'm concerned right now.
  I know Barbie isn't super popular at the moment, but you're kind of phoning her in at the moment aren't you? Yes, she got new bodies, which is great for you because that means parents are going to have to buy three times the amount of clothes for her. And let's be honest, her clothes are pretty uninspired at the moment. Is that what you're getting the work experience kids to do? Or are you just doing it on your lunch break? Because frankly you can get Barbie clothes of the same quality and with better design in no name packages from bargain stores. The Fashion Fever dolls ten years ago were amazing. I'll bet if you added that level of detail and design to her outfits now, she might not soar again, but she'd do better. Your mainline dolls right now are of cheaper construction and more poorly designed than your supermarket dolls were ten years ago. How is that not a problem?
  And American Girl. I'm not into American Girl. Not being American, I've never even seen one in real life, but I've seen the website and I don't know what to say. You had a lovely line of sweet, ridiculously over-priced, dolls with historically accurate costumes and you decided to "update" them. Now their clothes are definitely not as historically accurate, they've been popified and cartoonified and while stile being loosely historical you've clearly decided that children have no concept of history and that you have to semi-modernise their outfits to make them "accessible to today's kids" or some such piffle. While you haven't quite succeeded in making them cheap and tacky, you're certainly on your way and surely you're losing the spirit of the entire line.
  And Monster High. Your "revamp". No, it's not a revamp. All you've done is simplify the face-paint and replace any subtle colour in your palette with eye meltingly bright ones, and replace well thought out fashion options with boring dresses made from crazy digital prints. (I say crazy because I'm being polite, they're actually hideous.)
 And Ever After High. I'm not going to say anything about the new faces because I think you can guess I don't like them but exactly how many drugs were you taking on the day you approved THIS? A playset that's a chamber you insert a doll (or anything small enough to fit) in, the playset then sprays the doll with glue and then glitter. WHAT!? Who is going to buy that? No parent is stupid enough to want that in their house and no kid has enough money to buy it. Granted there are people I hate enough that I would happily plant that in their homes, but anyone I hate that much - I'm not buying their kids gifts.

Seriously Mattel, go to rehab, see a shrink, take a gap year, talk to someone - plenty of people love you and would be willing to help. But whatever it is, you need help.

Update - Back to work!

So all my doll stuff was put on hold while I made ridiculously elaborate costumes for a party the Giant Husband and I went to. Thankfully that's over and done with now. The party was fun and we won a holiday in Queensland for our costumes but it was a LOT of work.
I cheated in the costumes a little bit. Instead of ruffs, we had frills. I made paned sleeves for the Giant Husband's shirt but having done that I flat out refused to make the legs of his pants with panes as I had originally intended. I started making a bum roll to hold out my skirts properly but in the end decided it would be easier to just tie a breast feeding pillow around my waist.
 If you're curious I have pictures. I've blanked out the Giant Husband's face at his request and yes, I am aware I'm making a stupid face in my picture but unfortunately it's the only picture I have of my costume. And yes, I am aware it makes me look roughly the size and shape of a sofa but I'm ok with that.